Value Based Living
One of the keys to maintaining sobriety is value based living. So what are values? Values are the things that are of worth and importance in our lives. They can be things like honesty, integrity, health, and family. We tend to feel our best and get the most out of life when we are living in a way that aligns with our values.
Addiction is known for taking people away from what is important to them or their values. The things that are important and of value to the person in active addiction becomes secondary to the object of the addiction. Maintaining the addiction takes first priority in the brain. Since drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc. are often used as a means to cope or deal with unwanted emotions, it can lead to an endless cycle.
When we live a life that aligns with our values, we feel more alive and get more out of life. When life does not align with our values we tend to feel misery. So the person in active addiction will turn to their addiction in order to not feel this misery which ultimately takes them further away from their values, leading to more misery and more use. This often leads the person in active addiction to feelings of hopelessness and of being trapped. It can be said that the person in this position is just existing, rather than living.
Once the addiction has been stopped, the person now regains the freedom of choice. This is where value based decision making comes into play and can lead to living a value based life. That means a person is making decisions based on their goals and values instead of making decisions based on emotions.
Too often, our decisions are based on how we feel, instead of based on what is important to us. When we label emotions as good and bad, we often will try to only feel the good ones. When a person in active addiction feels an emotion they have labeled as bad, they will turn to their addiction to make that feeling go away or in an attempt to prevent that feeling from coming. This is also one of the reasons that many people relapse back into addiction.
In a life full of ups and downs and things that are out of our control, it is unrealistic to only feel the “good” emotions. This plays into how a person becomes trapped in the cycle of addiction. The freedom of choice allows a person to realize that they can choose their actions regardless of how they feel. It opens the door to making decisions that are based on values as opposed to feelings. We can learn that we can feel “bad” and still be okay.
The person can now choose actions that align with their values instead of feeling that they have to turn to their addiction to avoid feeling “bad”. This means choosing to go to work or to a meeting, even when you do not feel like it. It can also mean allowing yourself to feel hurt or sad without turning to an addictive behavior to numb the feeling. Often, it is delaying gratification in order to stay in line with your values and stay on track to meeting goals.
Choosing to live a value based life is not always easy and does not always feel good in the short term, but it allows a person to live a more fulfilling life in the long term. We have to be willing to make short term sacrifices for long term gains. So when the recovering person feels a craving, value based living gives them the option to choose not to give in to it. The more a person allows themselves to feel their emotions, the more control they get over their emotions, and the less they have to fear their emotions.
